I've been wanting to write another foster care post, but there's nothing there. No inspiration. What keeps coming to mind is a series of questions about the twin boys I lost.
Were they real? People have opinions about this, even strong exhortations that YES! they were real. But I don't know. Would they have become people? Did they have personalities?
Why did they die? Did they have to die? Was it the dumb technicians' faults for not having noticed the second baby at two different ultrasound appointments? Even when I asked her what that second black blob was and she said it was nothing?
Is there something I'm supposed to learn from this? Is this a lesson, more than one or two babies? Biologically, were they real? Were they just like a missed period, or were they actual babies who would have looked like my daughter and had thoughts and opinions?
What was the point of this? Is there no point at all? Is this science or something more? Am I reading too much into it?
How the heck are we supposed to find answers. Religion, sure. But I want to find my own answers and feel at peace about it, not just listen to what religious leaders had to say.
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